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A Londoner Talks With a Market Clerk

Some people like ham and eggs. And some don't. And the same goes for sex, grocery clerks and handbags. And then there's the matter of being overcharged because of one's ostensible football club affiliations. All this and more, below.

The names of the particpants have been changed to protect the guilty (i.e., the greedy, the thieving, the obsequious and the high-strung).



Clerk: 'That will be 25.56 pence please miss.'

Londoner: `You really hate me don't you? How come you only charged the lady before me 1.56 pence?'

Clerk: 'Miss I'm only giving you the price as shown.'

Londoner: `You're a sagitarrius aren't you?It's because I look like a Chelsea supporter with these clothes? How can you be so cruel? Have you no heart?'

Clerk: 'Miss I really don't know what to say?'

Londoner: `You're just doing your job aren't you? That's exactly what Hitler said!!'

<Londoner storms off and confronts one of her friends.>

Londoner: `Friend, please tell me what's wrong with me? Why don't people like me?'

`George you are wonderful. You are kind, sensitive, intelligent, fashionable, great sense of humour, lovely hair, good teeth and amazing considering the stress you've been under.'

Londoner: `So, that's it, you think I'm emotionally unstable a complete basketcase? How could you say such awful things about me being my best friend?'

<Londoner storms off again. She's now walking in the park and drops her purse by accident. A nice young man approaches to give it back to her.>

Nice Young Man: `Excuse me miss I think you dropped this?'

Londoner: `Sex, sex, sex that's all you men think about isn't it? Couldn't you think of something more original?'

Nice Young Man: `Umm, I just saw you drop your purse and thought you might want it back?'

Londoner: `I bet you say that to all the girls? You're over 18 as well I should have known! Don't you think you should mix with people your own age?'

The Londoner

The Guilty (Who Shall Remain Nameless)